In this blog post, we take an in-depth look at the loneliness that lies beneath the active communication on social media, as well as its psychological and social causes.
The proliferation of social networking services (SNS) has transformed the traditional concept of privacy, which once signified the freedom of private life, and has also shifted people’s perceptions regarding the management and protection of personal information. While people fear the leakage of their personal information, they are simultaneously actively sharing their private lives through social media. Whereas people used to provide personal information to service providers simply to use internet services, today they use social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter to reveal every detail of their lives—what they did, when, and where—to the entire world. Why do they choose to expose their private lives to the world? I believe the reason lies in the fact that people today feel a sense of “loneliness in a crowd.”
People living in modern society, which is becoming increasingly individualized and fragmented, often say they feel this “loneliness in a crowd.” Despite the loneliness and depression they feel inside, they strive to put on a forced smile—regardless of their actual mood—in order to receive positive evaluations from those with whom they have vested interests. American sociologist David Riesman argued that modern people’s “loneliness in a crowd” arises because they live their lives constantly conscious of those around them, in order to avoid falling behind in the social hierarchy.
In this regard, it is necessary to examine the structural changes in modern society. In the past, local communities and family-centered groups were strong, allowing people to naturally feel a sense of belonging. However, the progression of urbanization and informatization has led to the collapse of these traditional communities. People are now connected through networks without being constrained by physical distance, but these connections are often superficial and temporary. Social media emerged as a tool to alleviate this sense of alienation among modern people, but in reality, it can sometimes lead to even deeper loneliness.
Because they are tormented by the conflict between outward sociability and inner loneliness, modern people constantly feel lonely. Contrary to their outward sociability, the social nature of people who feel stifled and tormented by their inner isolation is manifesting as “loneliness in a crowd.” Modern people’s anxiety over their inner emptiness and loneliness manifests as a desperate effort not to be isolated from society, ultimately leading them to strive to present a polished image of themselves to others.
However, these efforts to present a better image to others do not address the root cause of the loneliness people feel. On the contrary, the more one tries to put on a facade, the more acutely the bitterness of loneliness is felt. Even while living day to day surrounded by countless people, the unfillable emptiness feels like pain. To those exhausted by this mental anguish, “social networking services” must seem truly appealing. Through social media, they can escape the people in their daily lives with whom they cannot reveal their true feelings, and instead form new relationships with others who share similar interests and tastes—people who can help alleviate their loneliness. For those feeling lonely in the crowd, social media is like a lifeline dropped from the sky; their social needs manifest as efforts to form new communities with like-minded individuals within these platforms. By forming a community with others who share similar interests and tastes through social media, people strive to alleviate the loneliness they each feel and satisfy their social needs.
Since it is impossible to find one another without personal information, individuals must disclose details about their daily lives, tastes, and interests in order to build a community that suits them. To attract like-minded individuals, people must share details of their daily lives—such as their areas of interest, preferred activities, and, furthermore, specifics like “when,” “where,” and “what” they did. In other words, to gather people with similar interests and form a community on social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter, one must disclose information about their daily life.
The development of smartphones and wired and wireless communication technologies has created an environment where people can access the internet anytime, anywhere. People have armed themselves with the sense of security that comes from belonging to a community through social media at every moment, enabling them to fight against the beast of loneliness that greedily gapes within them. However, people are gradually realizing that they cannot attract others without revealing more special and more sensational aspects of their private lives on social media. They find that information they have already shared—such as their favorite movies or sports—is no longer enough to attract the community’s attention, and they begin to feel anxious that they are gradually falling behind and becoming isolated from the group. Consequently, to avoid being left behind by the community, they become more proactive in sharing details of their private lives and daily routines. From the moment they leave home until they return from work and go to sleep, they share every move they make. In extreme cases, they even feel compelled to report to the social media community the very moments they are meeting and talking with others in real life.
Because they are exposing their private lives on social media, they feel they are being judged by more people than they are in their daily social interactions. To receive positive feedback from others, they only post well-composed photos and glamorous images, showing only the aspects of themselves they want to display. To avoid falling behind in the social media community, people live their lives constantly conscious of those around them. Ultimately, human relationships on social media are not much different from how we form relationships in society. The only difference is that the audience for our daily lives has shifted from friends to an unspecified online crowd, and we have become more proactive in sharing our private lives. The “loneliness in a crowd” that people have felt in modern society is also being repeated on social media. Attempting to soothe inner emptiness and loneliness through social media is like pouring water into a bottomless bucket.
What can be done to reverse this situation? Ultimately, to feel a genuine sense of belonging, we must strive to form deeper human connections regardless of physical distance. To move beyond superficial connections and build more authentic, meaningful relationships, it is important to set aside time for face-to-face conversations, even while using social media. Furthermore, it is important to accept ourselves as we are rather than trying to put on a facade, and to maintain relationships with people who can truly understand our inner loneliness.
The anxiety we feel is like this: the desire to always belong to a crowd, and the fear of being left alone in solitude. No matter how many people we connect with through social media, we will ultimately feel lonely, and the emptiness will remain unfilled. Efforts to present oneself on social media only serve to entangle us. Even if we fear the desolation of being left alone on stage after the audience has departed, an actor must step down from the stage once the performance is over. No matter how hard we try to hold the audience back, the night when we are left alone will inevitably come. You must return home, where loved ones await, ready to love you just as you are, even after the curtain falls. Yet the journey of those tormented by loneliness—still wandering today in search of people to embrace them—never ends. All the while, they cling to the illusion that, eventually, the emptiness in their hearts will be filled.
