In this blog post, we’ll examine how self-blame, self-pity, and sympathy for others—the main causes of depression—affect mental health, and explore ways to overcome them.
Depression is a condition in which feelings of sadness or lethargy persist for more than two weeks, interfering with daily life. Depression is classified into major depression and mild depression based on the severity of symptoms. Even if a person feels depressed, if the symptoms are not severe enough to be considered a disease or if they subside within two weeks, it is referred to as subclinical depression. Depression is a very common condition in South Korea, with 72.3% of the population experiencing subclinical depression within a year. However, even in cases of subclinical depression, if symptoms are neglected simply because they are mild and common, there is a high likelihood that they will develop into clinical depression. Given that treating major depressive disorder requires taking antidepressants for several months, it is crucial to overcome depression in its early stages. In this article, we will introduce methods for overcoming mild depression proposed by clinical psychology expert Paul A. Hauck.
Paul A. Hauck identifies three main causes of psychological depression. The first is self-blame, the second is self-pity, and the third is pity for others. Let’s explore how each of these causes leads a person into depression and how to overcome these thoughts.
First, let’s examine self-blame. Self-blame—viewing oneself as worthless or a bad person—leads to depression. If self-blame persists, feelings of depression persist, eventually leading to clinical depression. Since this kind of self-blame is harmful to mental health, it should be avoided. So, how can we shake off self-blame? Self-blame primarily stems from guilt. When we make a mistake, we feel guilty and end up viewing ourselves as bad people. It’s easy to think that guilt will motivate you to avoid repeating the same mistake, and you might mistakenly believe that tormenting yourself is a way to atone for your wrongdoing. However, this is a misconception. Excessive guilt leads to self-blame and can actually cause you to fall into a state of despair, leading you to repeat the same mistakes. Furthermore, the idea that guilt can atone for your wrongdoing is a very self-centered way of thinking. The victim will likely want a sincere apology or compensation more than they want to see you suffering from guilt. When you’ve done something wrong, don’t wallow in guilt; instead, sincerely apologize to the victim, acknowledge your mistake, and seek forgiveness. Afterward, analyzing the mistake and making an effort to prevent it from happening again will yield far better results than wallowing in guilt.
Next is self-pity. Self-pity is the emotion of feeling sorry for oneself or being dissatisfied with oneself. Situations in which one feels self-pity can be divided into two categories. The first is when something unfortunate happens. When misfortune strikes, one views oneself as an unfortunate person and sinks into depression. In this state, one cannot think of positive things and focuses only on the misfortune, making it easy to develop depression. To overcome this, one must accept the fact that misfortune is an inevitable part of life. When something unfortunate happens, it is important to focus on how to overcome it rather than feeling sorry for oneself. The second type occurs when one places excessive priority on others and fears rejection. Believing oneself to be inferior to others, one fails to express one’s own emotions and is unable to refuse others’ requests. In such situations, people may feel depressed because they are unable to vent the frustration that has built up toward others. To break free from self-pity, it is necessary to value one’s own emotions just as much as those of others.
Finally, empathy involves grieving another person’s misfortune as if it were one’s own. Excessive empathy—overly identifying with another person’s misfortune—can also lead to depression.
In fact, there is a case of a social worker who developed depression after empathizing too deeply with the suffering of the people she encountered at work, and an elderly gentleman who suffered from depression after feeling excessive sympathy for a friend’s unfair experiences. Such sympathy for others not only fails to provide practical help to those in distress but is also harmful to one’s own mental health. If you want to help others, it is better to offer practical assistance or words of comfort rather than unconditional sympathy.
We have examined the three causes of depression proposed by Paul A. Hauck and their solutions. However, I believe that all three of these causes stem from a single root cause. The common thread is the inability to let go of a depressing and unhappy past and the constant ruminating on it. They cannot forget their own mistakes, recall their unhappy past, and dwell on the misfortunes of those close to them. Everyone experiences both happy and unhappy events in life. However, if one dwells only on depressing and unhappy memories and dismisses happy moments as fleeting, depression is inevitable. If the thought that you are an unhappy person won’t leave you and you are plagued by depression, focus on the future ahead rather than the past you cannot change. Even if you’ve been stuck in depression for a long time and haven’t been able to do anything, you may experience failure and frustration at first, but if you keep trying, you’ll eventually achieve satisfying results. These results will help you move away from your past unhappiness. Let’s live our lives thinking about the future rather than the past. If you do that, you’ll be less likely to face depression.
