In this blog post, I’ll reflect on my 1 year, 10 months, and 7 days of military service, covering training and self-reflection, the social structure of the barracks and my experiences with leadership, and the emotions I felt while cut off from the outside world.
Military Experience and Self-Reflection
People often say that every man should serve in the military at least once. Those who have completed their service will surely agree just how simplistic this statement is. However, I don’t think it’s a statement made without reason. To cut to the chase, I believe my two years in the military were beneficial for me. Of course, thoughts like, “Honestly, why do I have to do this?” and having to wake up at 6 a.m. every day to undergo training I didn’t want to do constantly reminded me that the joke about the military being a “chamber of the mind and time” wasn’t just empty talk. But as I went through all that training during days that felt interminable, it also became a time when I realized firsthand that the time I’d once spent outside—which seemed short and wasted—was actually time during which I could accomplish so much. Even now, there are times when I want to slack off or let myself go, but whenever that happens, those experiences pull me back on track. Of course, it’s possible I feel that way simply because I’m doing something I don’t want to do.
The unit I served in had many combat missions, so we frequently conducted field training. We often found ourselves in physically harsh environments, and among those experiences, the 100-kilometer march remains vividly etched in my memory. What makes this march special is that it was an experience unlike anything I’d ever encountered in civilian life. Physically, it was an unusual experience—almost like walking in my sleep—and mentally, since I was walking continuously, I found myself thinking a lot on my own, unless there was a specific situation that interrupted my train of thought. I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back, I realized that the experience of being “semi-forced” to freely imagine and reflect on various topics for over a day is actually quite rare. Most of my thoughts centered on myself. While the original purpose of the march may have been something else, for me, it was a “march of truth” through which I came to know myself.
The Social Structure of the Barracks and Leadership Experience
Another reason this march held special meaning for me was that it was a prime example of a simple yet grand goal. The bigger the goal, the easier it is to give up halfway. However, the reason I was able to pull this off was, first, my confidence that I was no worse than anyone else. Seeing that everyone else had done it, I felt there was no reason I couldn’t. Second, it was because I did it alongside my fellow soldiers. Of course, I really didn’t want to do it, and it was tough while I was doing it, but once I finished, I felt a sense of pride. I believe that through this experience, I found the answer to how I should go about achieving the big goals I need to accomplish in the future.
If physical training provided me with a personal mental experience, the small, everyday routines within the barracks offered a social experience by allowing me to observe a cross-section of a micro-society. In the military—a strictly hierarchical society—I was able to experience a wide range of ranks, allowing me to navigate the entire spectrum of the organization, from the bottom to the top, in a short period of time. Sometimes, when things went wrong, the blame fell on me; other times, the group acted according to my suggestions. Through that process, I vaguely sensed that a person’s position within a group can completely reshape who they are. I, too, exhibited similar behaviors while occupying various positions, and I learned a great deal about how to think and act to be a good person to others—whether as a superior or a subordinate—within any group.
Of the various roles mentioned above, the one that stands out most in my memory is when I served as a squad leader.
A squad leader is responsible for a squad of 5 to 7 members; they must listen to and resolve the members’ concerns while also setting boundaries and guiding the group forward when necessary. At first glance, it might not seem like a large group, and leading subordinates might appear straightforward, but since not everyone has the same abilities, some members fall behind and become targets of ridicule and mockery from their peers. My time as squad leader was no exception. That child gradually became disheartened due to constant bullying and disregard, and his distrust of the squad members deepened. His status within the unit had plummeted, causing him to lose confidence and perform below his actual ability.
I felt frustrated too, but as squad leader, I couldn’t let that show. This is because, as in any group, a leader’s attitude determines the attitude of the team members. So, I sought understanding from the other members and made an effort to boost that person’s confidence. I praised them whenever they showed progress, even if it was slow or imperfect, and encouraged them not to fear criticism. As a result, although they didn’t fully recover, they were able to become a team member who kept up well with the others. Going through this process, I had no choice but to revise my previous conception of leadership. The true nature of leadership I learned was not that an excellent leader sets high standards and trains people through a combination of incentives and discipline. Rather, it was about pushing the member lagging behind from the rear and creating a squad where, even if someone falls a little short, the other members are willing to make sacrifices so they can move forward together. Although I realized that leading others is difficult, I also gained the confidence that if such a responsibility were given to me again, I could do better.
Isolation from the Outside World, Interpersonal Relationships, and Conclusion
Military life did not have only positive effects, as described in the examples above. The feelings that remain most vivid and are still intense are those stemming from the military’s isolation from society. What I found most stifling was the lack of communication with the outside world. Although the senior and junior soldiers I lived with were fun and friendly, I always felt anxious that I would fall behind because access to information about the outside world was so limited.
To alleviate this anxiety, I put in a relatively significant amount of effort to improve myself, such as studying English and working out diligently. I once took a leave of absence from the military to take the TEPS exam; after the test, I went to see a movie and play video games alone while still wearing my military uniform before returning to base. Once I actually got out and interacted with other adult men who had walked a similar path, my anxiety diminished significantly, though it still lingers. It occurred to me that this anxiety might actually serve as the foundation for students returning to school to lead more fulfilling and socially acceptable lives.
Another source of stress is building relationships with those around me. In civilian life, people tend to interact within groups that share certain commonalities and goals, but the military brings together people with a wide variety of values. So while it’s sometimes easy to become close with others, there are also times when it’s difficult. I remember having just one such difficult senior soldier myself, and I recall trying hard to get close to him. While it’s still difficult for me to get along with everyone, I’ve at least come to realize how well the people around me get along with me and understand me, and I’ve come to cherish the friends I’ve made even more.
In conclusion, looking back on my military service as a whole, I went through experiences I had never had before and likely won’t easily have again, so it was definitely “worth going through at least once.” Of course, I was made to do a lot of work I didn’t want to do (and for just 200 won an hour, no less!), but through these experiences, I realized just how much effort it takes to live as a “responsible member of society.” It’s hard to generalize, but people are creatures who only truly learn through personal experience, and I am no exception. Contrary to my vague assumptions, experience provided a much clearer message. Based on what I’ve learned through this experience, I will now strive to live a conscientious life and apply these lessons diligently in my academic life as well. I don’t know what I would have thought if I had lived a different life—such as going straight to graduate school without serving in the military—but at least in the military, I gained a wealth of thoughts and experiences by pondering, regretting, and yearning for things I would never have even considered outside of it. Now, having moved beyond those concerns, I’m living each day joyfully and with satisfaction.
I believe that the two years I spent in the military were well worth it simply because they helped me realize how I should live my life and how much satisfaction I should seek from it. Of course, I wouldn’t want to go back a second time.
