In this blog post, I’ll reflect on how worry affects our lives—whether it’s an obstacle that brings us down or a foundation for growth.
On a particularly chilly Thursday evening in October, six of us club members—myself included—were wandering the university streets, which had grown even quieter due to exam season. We were preparing for a performance in November and wanted to raise the necessary funds by asking the owners of bars and restaurants frequented by students for donations. The task was simple: walk into a suitable shop, check if the owner was present, explain our club’s activities, and ask if they could spare even a small donation. Owners who were financially comfortable or simply generous gave us cash ranging from $5 to $20, while those who couldn’t afford it politely declined, apologizing. Our goal for the day was to collect about $100 by visiting various shops along the university street. However, while doing this simple task, I ended up discovering a less-than-flattering side of myself.
From the moment I received the text message saying, “Meet at University Street by 8 p.m.,” I was skeptical. I thought the shop owners had nothing to gain by sponsoring us. With the economy in a slump and exam season making customers scarce, I was certain it would be difficult to collect donations. So, when it came time to ask for donations, I was the one at the very back of the group of six, hesitating and shrinking back. There were two reasons for my behavior. First, I didn’t want to be embarrassed since I assumed we wouldn’t get any donations anyway. Second, I figured that someone with a friendly, outgoing personality would have a better chance of securing donations. At one point, a senior asked me to approach the owners of two shops, so I tried asking them myself, but both refused. Those two failures cemented my belief that “I can’t do this,” and in the end, I didn’t receive a single penny in donations over the course of two hours.
That day, I was deeply skeptical, and as a result, I appeared completely lacking in confidence. My worry that I wouldn’t receive any donations only disappeared once it became clear that we could actually reach $100 by collecting donations of $5 and $10 at a time. My worry—as a shy person—that I would be rejected if I asked for donations turned into a certainty after those two failures, creating an even greater distance between me and the shop owner. Eventually, when everyone else entered the store, I was left standing awkwardly at the back, holding my poster. If I hadn’t worried unnecessarily and had asked with confidence, I might not have experienced those two failures and setbacks, and I might have felt a sense of accomplishment from securing the donations myself. But that day, I didn’t feel any sense of accomplishment for two whole hours.
Just as the word “worry” carries a negative connotation, being a worrier is generally viewed as a negative trait. Being overly anxious can make you appear lacking in confidence and lead to an indecisive personality. Because anxious people are skeptical, they struggle to make decisions and end up endlessly mulling things over. Ultimately, even when a decision must be made, they continue to worry, which often leads to a half-hearted outcome. That’s why people commonly referred to as having “decision paralysis” usually have an underlying issue of excessive anxiety. Furthermore, worry leads to stress, which causes mental fatigue and even affects physical health. It also triggers irritability and nervousness, negatively impacting interpersonal relationships.
However, in modern society, there is no need to view a tendency to worry as entirely negative. This is because, in some respects, worry can be seen as objective foresight and preparation for the future. Worry is evidence that one is considering various variables and preparing for a situation in advance.
This cautious attitude can be a significant advantage in modern society, where there are so many factors to consider. For example, consider a high school student preparing for college entrance exams. Between a student who optimistically believes the exam will be easy and doesn’t prepare thoroughly, and a student who worries the exam will be difficult and prepares diligently, the latter will naturally achieve better results. Therefore, worry does not necessarily lead only to negative outcomes; rather, it can be an important attitude that allows one to prepare for the future.
Nevertheless, excessive worry can be toxic. Reflecting on my own experience, when the things I worried about actually happened, they were usually not as big a problem as I had anticipated. Even if a major event did occur as expected, it was usually something I couldn’t have prepared for. In such situations, if I didn’t receive a reward commensurate with my worry, it would have been better not to worry at all. Moreover, people who worry a lot tend to start worrying about something new as soon as one matter is resolved.
Let’s take the college entrance exam mentioned earlier as an example. If a student who worried that the exam would be difficult and prepared diligently fails to achieve the results they expected, they will likely dwell on the hardships they endured during the preparation process. Memories of losing sleep the night before the exam or vomiting what they ate that morning due to nerves will come to mind. Then they will regret that it would have been better not to have worried at all. Such regret ultimately leads to yet another worry, and the vicious cycle repeats itself.
So, how can a skeptical person avoid excessive worry? It would be unreasonable to expect someone whose habit of worrying has been ingrained over many years to change this easily. Furthermore, since this is a matter of mindset, there is no set formula to fix it. Ultimately, you must make a conscious effort to change your way of thinking. It is important to adopt a positive mindset and build confidence rather than dwelling on worries. You should trust yourself and maintain a calm mindset—believing that you can solve problems when they actually arise, rather than worrying about them in advance.
If there is a recurring source of worry, one approach is to intentionally expose yourself to that situation frequently. As you face these situations repeatedly, you will naturally come to realize that your worries were unnecessary. For example, I find it particularly stressful to ask favors of strangers. So, when I go to a restaurant with a group, I make a point of taking the initiative to order, or I deliberately take on the task of calling a senior colleague I don’t know well to ask about membership fees. As you keep experiencing these situations, there will come a moment when you realize that your worries were unnecessary.
Of course, I don’t blame myself for worrying a lot. While excessive stress is harmful, moderate stress is said to be beneficial because it stimulates both the body and mind. Similarly, while excessive worry is a problem, moderate worry is actually helpful for navigating modern society. Because I worried so much, I prepared thoroughly for everything. Although I wasn’t always able to make decisive choices, I was able to minimize mistakes by considering things carefully. I believe that I am who I am today precisely because I used my worries to prepare and plan ahead. The process of recognizing one’s own shortcomings and reflecting on them demonstrates the potential to grow into a better person. No one in this world is perfect. Everyone grows by discovering their own flaws and working to correct them. In this regard, a skeptical attitude is certainly helpful. That is why I am confident that even I, a worrier, will gradually become a better person.
