In this blog post, we’ll examine whether the phrase “That’s okay”—commonly used in college life—goes beyond a mere verbal habit to become a form of habitual self-reassurance and self-justification, exploring its psychological mechanisms and its impact on interpersonal relationships and self-reflection.
Introduction
“That’s okay.”
This was one of the phrases I heard most often after starting college. Once I began my college life, I heard it so frequently around me—to the point of being strange—and as I kept hearing it, at some point the phrase itself started to feel unfamiliar.
“I woke up at 2:00 p.m. and missed my class.”
“That happens.”“I have an exam today, but I only found out the exam scope at a drinking party yesterday.”
“That happens.”
At first, I thought it was an expression used only in the pre-med program, where the pressure to maintain good grades is relatively low. However, friends from other departments—and even friends from other schools—shared similar experiences. And before I knew it, I, too, was naturally repeating those words. Perhaps we’ve become too accustomed to the phrase “That happens,” and at times, we may even be relying on it excessively.
The Definition and Mechanisms of Addiction
Addiction refers to a state in which a person habitually uses a substance or engages in a behavior to regulate their mood, even though it repeatedly causes serious problems. If the object is a substance, it’s called substance addiction; if it’s a specific behavior, it’s called behavioral addiction. In this article, I’ll examine the topic from the perspective of behavioral addiction.
When people derive pleasure or psychological stability from a certain behavior, they develop a strong tendency to repeat it. This process is closely linked to the brain’s dopamine system, which is associated with reward learning, and it is known that the more the behavior is repeated, the stronger the tendency to choose it becomes. Furthermore, behavioral addiction is characterized by the persistent repetition of a specific behavior despite negative consequences.
So, could the phenomenon of habitually relying on the phrase “That’s okay” also follow a similar pattern? If so, this expression would likely carry both positive aspects—such as a sense of psychological stability—and negative consequences.
Impact on Interpersonal Relationships and Self-Reflection
The phrase “That’s okay” carries slightly different meanings and effects depending on whether it is directed at others or at oneself. Since the psychological comfort and side effects differ in each case, it is necessary to consider them separately.
First, let’s consider the case of saying “That’s okay” to someone else. This expression is most often used when the other person has made a mistake, big or small. If this phrase is used as a form of appropriate comfort, there is absolutely no problem. This is because it serves as warm encouragement—a reminder that anyone can make mistakes and that one shouldn’t be too hard on oneself. However, the problem arises when people unconditionally accept everything with the phrase “That’s understandable” in any situation.
For example, this expression is easily used in a wide variety of situations, such as “I’m still hungry no matter how much I eat,” “I’ve fallen for someone,” or “My knees have been hurting lately.” Since it’s not a particularly rude response, it often slips out without thinking when you can’t fully empathize with the other person’s story or can’t come up with an appropriate reply.
Of course, there’s no problem if it’s used with an appropriate explanation. But if you try to substitute all meaning with just that one phrase, the conversation can gradually become shallow.
Saying you’re hungry or feeling sick might be a signal the other person is sending to start a conversation. Saying you’ve developed feelings for someone might be an act of courage to reveal your true feelings and bring the relationship a little closer. However, if you repeatedly respond to such statements with the overly generic “That’s possible,” you risk dismissing the other person’s effort and courage with a superficial and perfunctory reaction.
Next, let’s consider the instances when you say “That’s possible” to yourself. If you comfort yourself with the thought, “These things can happen, so don’t despair too much,” after experiencing failure or in a situation where you might otherwise feel discouraged, it can serve as a catalyst for healthy recovery and personal growth.
However, if you keep brushing off avoidable mistakes or recurring laziness with “That could happen,” you may feel relieved in the moment, but your sense of responsibility and guilt for your mistakes may gradually dull. As the proverb goes, “A thief who steals a needle will eventually steal an ox”—if you initially brush off small mistakes as no big deal, there is a risk that, as this behavior repeats, you’ll apply the same attitude to even bigger mistakes.
Some might interpret this attitude as “being cool” or “not dwelling on the past.” However, regardless of how it’s used, an excessive reliance on “It happens” may ultimately lead to an attempt to sweep problems under the rug without giving them sufficient thought. If you keep covering up both others’ and your own mistakes, and continue to overlook important issues in the name of comfort and reassurance, it may become increasingly difficult to reflect on your relationships or engage in self-reflection.
Others might question whether this phenomenon can truly be called an addiction. Certainly, compared to substance addictions like alcohol or nicotine, it may seem like a mere verbal habit. However, behavioral addiction does not necessarily apply only to the use of specific substances. If repetitive behavior is combined with psychological rewards and negatively impacts daily life or interpersonal relationships, it may exhibit patterns similar to those of behavioral addiction. However, there is currently insufficient evidence to classify the expression “That’s possible” itself as addiction in the medical sense; it is more appropriate to understand it here as a metaphorical perspective, comparing it to the characteristics of behavioral addiction.
Addiction is generally accompanied by characteristics such as difficulty in control, repetitive use, and a decline in daily life or social functioning. If someone habitually repeats “That’s just how it is” in every situation, causing the other person to feel that the conversation is superficial and insincere, this can have a negative impact on the relationship. Therefore, even if it seems like a minor verbal habit, it’s worth taking a moment to reflect on how this repetitive habit affects one’s mindset and communication style.
Instead of dismissing the other person with just “That could happen,” try continuing the conversation by explaining specifically why you think that way and what was difficult for you. Also, take time to reflect on yourself by asking, “Was there really no other choice?” The moment we step back from habitual self-comfort and engage in self-reflection, we can experience deeper conversations and a more mature life.
